He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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