Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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