So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
