What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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