the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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