I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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