just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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