Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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