Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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