He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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