Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
