and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
