Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
