remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
