The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
