Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
