Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
