Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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