I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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