Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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