Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
