so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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