mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
