I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
