i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
