woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
