why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize