I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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