Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
