I accidentally had phone sex last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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