90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
