He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This baby is an asshole
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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