dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
