Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
