I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just invented taco cereal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
