I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
