He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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