I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
