do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
