I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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