The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
