I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
