Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
