i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
