I can tuck mytits in my pants
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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