Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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