uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
