We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
