Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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