.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
