so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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