I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
