sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize