it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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