i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
