I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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