just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
