white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
