MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
