I hate all girls vehemently.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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