you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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