I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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