A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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