how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
