I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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