i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
