well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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