Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize