i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
