The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
