i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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