why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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