Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
