i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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