I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
