It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
