Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
