also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
