I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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